Bravery

To be brave is not to step into a war zone with bullets flying all over in your jeans and faded Converse.
That right there is insanity.
Bravery is something worse.
Bravery is taking a risk. A stupid one.
Bravery is facing that giant that only exists in your perfect world.
Bravery is facing that monster that no one else knows about except you.
Bravery is facing it knowing very well you are going to lose.
Bravery is remembering your happiness matters.
It is growing some balls and daring to come face to face with your real fears. 

Chic Flic Induced Insanity.

And it is no secret why people that do not watch chic flics tend to have lower blood pressures.

So there you are, still coming to terms with the fact that this time it is for real.

Three tubs of ice cream later.  You decide to give it one last shot.

Hello email.

Suddenly William Shakespeare's finest lines seem like bad poetry compared to the characters your fingers are creating on the screen before you. 

"I love you, because it is you that I love, "

For some reason Pablo Neruda's words keep ringing in your mind. So you type them.

Letters build into words. Sentences. Paragraphs. Pages.

The last shot.

Because this one was real.

Or so you are convinced.

Three pages and a million I am sorry's later  you put the last words...

"I will be waiting."

"Love you."

Then you push send.

And suddenly your lucidity shows itself.

What have you just done?

Oh my gawd.

Now he will think you are desperate and basically it is even more over.

Then you are back to your 'cray-cray'  self.
You need to be.

He will read it. He will come back. He has to.

So you close your laptop and sleep tight.

Until the next morning, when you check your email.

No new messages.

And it is back to square one.

Ice cream.

Duvet.

Clearly the government needs to review their film classification criteria.