The one about my birthday.

You missed some things.
You may have missed a few school plays when you had to travel out of the country.
You might have missed my first period, but then again that one wasn't your business.
You even missed out on my first time at Whitesands because you were too busy working hard to pay for it.

But one thing you never missed were my birthdays.
You never missed giving me a very cleverly selected card.
You never missed sharing cake and chocolate.
You never missed seeing my face when I turned a year older.

So thank you.
For being there from the first one.
And for the way you struggled to make sure you were around for the last one I had that you would see.

I understand now why it's never a big deal if anyone else forgets it.
Because once Superman has your back, no one else matters.

I hope I have given you a reason to smile from wherever you are the past year.
I wish you were around to smile with me in the coming one.

But I'll take what I can get.
And for now it is the comforting memory that you might have missed some things.
But my birthday was not one of them.

HER SELFISH YEARS- Part 1

21.

Two decades ago a female clothed in milk chocolate surfaced on this here planet.

A Leo, she embodies some of the strongest traits associated with this zodiac.
She is fire, although sometimes the flame is reduced to a mere glowing ember.
Super sensitive.
She wears her feelings as her favorite accessory and flaunts them through her writing.
As ambitious as they come, she dreams and occasionally, she has been known to follow the dreams like they are her religion.
Sometimes domineering, she doesn't always take the lead but Lord when she does, the other subjects better step aside.
Stubborn she is. But the gods did the world a favor and blessed her with a mild dose of being a liberal. She will take you as you are, if you first do the same for her.
She is vain. And this is the side some of them may see because the pride in her wont let the world see the brokenness she sometimes conceals.

She is fire.

But she breathes ice.

She is sugar.

But in her fantasies, she oozes spice,

She falls into vacuums of grey.
Still, she loves her world colored in shades of everything nice.

And she, she allowed herself to turn twenty one.

She didn't want to.

But then again when did a Leo ever welcome change with open arms?

But then 21 came and brought with it the calming re-assurance that whatever it had in store would be beautiful. One way or the other.

See, she had been nursing some scars but Miss Chocolate Leo became her own muse for the first time. For the first time she came face to face with the ghosts of being un-pretty she had tried so hard to exorcise. She stared at the perceptions that taunted her in the past and said,

"...you know what fuck you. I am beautiful. I will be beautiful and I do not need someone else to define for me what that is."

 She allowed herself to be her own muse. And loved every minute of it.

And then 21 told her there is more. 21 told her she can push the boundaries. So 21 told her to play the realest game of pretend ever. So she entered a real company and played employee despite her gross under-qualification for the post. She learnt confidence. She learnt hard-work. She learnt that bravery is that muscle gained when only after daily practice. She learnt she can be more. She learnt that maybe the whole school thing isn't such a waste of time.

But see 21 wasn't done with her. 21 reminded her of her little star and 21 was the time to let it shine. So she dared to share a platform with the greats. Amateur though she was, 21 told her that by engaging with her kind-overthinkers with a love for words and poetic imagery- she could find a place she can belong. So she did. She dared her little star of talent to shine. She dared to subject herself to editors and deadlines for posts and she fell in love with her gift even more. And while she waits for the world to fall in love with it too,21 told her sometimes the effort to use the gift is more than enough.

21 didn't turn out to be exactly what she wanted it to be, but it surely was infinitely beautiful.

21 had her finding beauty in nature.

21 had her finding beauty in others.

21 had her finding beauty in herself.

21 had her finding beauty in life.

And when she looked beyond everything that 21 was meant to be but wasn't, she realizes that 21 did her just fine,

So here is to 21. To how infinitely beautiful it was.

And to 22-whatever happens it could only get better. Eventually.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR CHOCOLATE LEO, THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING TO HOLD ON A LITTLE LONGER.

xoxo

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Fingers fidgeting on a keyboard.

 

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Sometimes The Muse talks to you.

Sometimes He tells you what to say.

Sometimes you wish He could just shut  up.

Sometimes the wells or words seem that they run so deep

You cannot imagine how the well will dry.

But sometimes He goes on holiday.

The mental voice that keeps you breathing goes away.

So what do you do?

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If the muse won't talk to you,

then you must talk to him.

Start the dialogue.

Tell him how you really feel.

Tell him what you love about him.

Tell him what you hate.

Tell him what you ate for breakfast.

Tell him what you dreamt about last night.

But if he still won't talk.

Go deeper.

Tell Him about your regrets.

Tell Him about your successes.

And if that doesn't work,

Tell him your deepest darkest secrets.

But if that won't get him to come out of hiding,

You have a weapon.

But use it carefully lest you scare him away forever.

Tell Him about His secrets.

Tell Him everything you know about that place of vulnerability.

That place He wouldn't want the world to know about;

Tell Him how you know about it.

Maybe the honesty will wake Him up.

The muse is an interesting one.

He will only talk if wakened by truth.