Rain

The least the soil you protect could do for you

Is shed its tears

If the blood you shed washes away

Let the universe still know

You were here

If we ever forget you,

At least let the water bless the ground

Where finally, you peacefully

Rest. 

image from GOOGLE

hbjkbghjuk

Fingers fidgeting on a keyboard.

 

smkldlsajdk

Sometimes The Muse talks to you.

Sometimes He tells you what to say.

Sometimes you wish He could just shut  up.

Sometimes the wells or words seem that they run so deep

You cannot imagine how the well will dry.

But sometimes He goes on holiday.

The mental voice that keeps you breathing goes away.

So what do you do?

dsidhaskdj

If the muse won't talk to you,

then you must talk to him.

Start the dialogue.

Tell him how you really feel.

Tell him what you love about him.

Tell him what you hate.

Tell him what you ate for breakfast.

Tell him what you dreamt about last night.

But if he still won't talk.

Go deeper.

Tell Him about your regrets.

Tell Him about your successes.

And if that doesn't work,

Tell him your deepest darkest secrets.

But if that won't get him to come out of hiding,

You have a weapon.

But use it carefully lest you scare him away forever.

Tell Him about His secrets.

Tell Him everything you know about that place of vulnerability.

That place He wouldn't want the world to know about;

Tell Him how you know about it.

Maybe the honesty will wake Him up.

The muse is an interesting one.

He will only talk if wakened by truth.

LIBERATION

I am learning now that the world does not revolve around me.

I can feel bad about that.
Unwanted.
I can feel like I am incapable of leaving an indelible mark in the universe.

I can cry, feel lonely and uncared for because of that.

Or I can use that as an excuse to finally go freely in the crazy, wild path of my dreams,free of baggage,

knowing more than ever that I owe not a damn person an apology for my existence.

So now I choose LIBERATION.

The Sojourner's Sailor

Because life is a finite infinity that has and always will remain a mystery

so to figure out my path in this maze of the mortal

I need guidance from a source of knowledge that remains immortal.

Because hope though it springs eternal,

can only flourish if its flame is fired from a source that isn't internal

so to give myself the energy to carry on one more day

I look to one whose track record surpasses more than just the ordinary.

Therefore my kind of belief causes me to  hold on a little longer because I believe in one who is unimaginably stronger.

Because in my innate imperfection,

I look to one who is perfection itself

so for every one of my undoings

my creator is a being capable of re-doing, re-building and re-creating 

me into an earthling that is the greatest that ever was and will be

based on my hidden strengths, despite my inherent weakness.

Because I am a wanderer,

and sometimes I wander far from the truth.

So I seek one who is patience personified and is able to forgive ceaselessly.

So the one who I believe in waits.

Not just for me but for my kind,

mankind.

I therefore look to the father of time.

I believe in a creator who created everything in its entirety.

The inventor of diversity,

and therefore I choose  a life that celebrates beauty.

 I believe in a father that provides everything

The master giver

therefore I choose a life of being the eternally grateful and humble receipient.

I believe in all-knowing guide who understands this maze of life better than I ever will

therefore I submit myself in my simple state as a sojourner struggling to make sense of everything.

Reluctant though I may be to fully release the reigns,

I still remain a mortal who has learnt to believe in an Indomitable  Immortal to safely sail me in my journey.

Scripturient Addictions

Let me tell you who this one is for.

This one is for you if you may possibly have tried other drugs but are convinced beyond any doubt that no material stimulant can ever take you to the cosmic levels of elation that the simple act of putting pen to paper(or finger to keyboard) does.

For the scripturient tendencies within you,
those moments when the words flow freely and wipe out any other thing in the world except that message you  so desperately need to convey.
For the zombie you have been known to become; oblivious of all else except the vast universe your mind begs you to explore with the sentences you keep stringing.

For that empty feeling when the sentences string themselves into a complete story.
The writer's hangover.
That hollowness because after giving a piece your all you feel drained:
mentally, emotionally, possibly physically.
And that lingering blank space where you ask yourself,
'so what next?'

This is for you who sneaks to the bathroom at the most awkward of times and hate to admit publicly that it is while taking a dump that some of your greatest stories have been crafted.
For those sneaky sneaky writing habits that remind you of those sneaky sneaky habits other substance abusers have.
For those moments your style of expression has had you questioning your sanity.

But this poem is also for you if you are suffering from withdrawal symptoms.
The tormentous mental  torture of writer's block.
When you crave to reach that peak but the words refuse to take you there because they just wont allow themselves to find you this time.
Fear not,
because in the dead of the night, they will whisk you away and you will find yourself unable to stop writing them down and when it is over, Armstrong will have nothing on you in terms of achievement because that masterpiece you create feels like the ultimate.

Sometimes the craft may even give you a high that will have you hallucinating.
So this is also for you if you may or may not have practiced your Pullitzer Price Acceptance Speech in the mirror a few thousand times.
Or if you already have a secret Pinterest board titled Caine Prize Winner Gala Outfit Ideas.
Or you already know what tropical island vacation you will spend your Nobel Prize Cash Award on.
And it is particularly for you if you know your friends and family will disown you if you ever shared the above fantasies with them but you still dare to have them anyway.

So this is for the day-dreamers
Whose dreams live a little everytime they write them down.
For the artistic misfits who know not many understand their craft but keep writing anyway.
For the introverts whose multiple personalities are revealed with every beautifully structured sentence strung together.
For the sanguine yet silent sapiosexuals whose immense intellect comes to play when they stare at a blank page.

This poem is for weirdos like me- writers with wandering minds that are only found behind walls painted white with black characters.

May the wells of words in our pens never run dry.

I Pray For You

I hate thinking about it,
And I am not even the one that had to live it.
I hate seeing and reading about it
Yet I am not the one that will remain scarred for life by it.
I hate acknowledging that it happened,
Yet I was not even there.

I hate having sketchy nightmares about it
Yet I have not a single clue what it felt like. 

See, to me it is just a scary reality show, 

whose edited highlights I watched from the comfort of my couch.
To you it was what you lived through. Your truth.

I can always change the channel and pretend it never happened.
You do not have that luxury.
Your eyes forever burned with the gory images of death, fear... evil.

I can cover my ears every time they talk about it around me.
Your ears do not have that option.
They keep ringing from the deafening shots, the dying screams, the piercing silence of destruction.

I am selfish.
I am so sorry but I am.
I think that the fleeting fear I feel every time they talk about you and what you went through matters.
I only view this situation in terms of how it affects me.
I only think of my future, my dreams, my life.

But the truth is, what I feel can never compare to what you lived through.

I close my eyes in the comfort of my bed and when I cannot bear the images in my sub-concious, I can always wake up,watch a happy video, pretend it never happened.

This can never be compared to the horrid reality you lived through.

The past cannot be fixed.
No amount of transferring you to better institutions and constant hugs can make you feel better.
They can secure the future,
but the thing about living is how we have this tendency to live in the malignant shadow of pain felt in the past.

The word for this is 'haunted'.

You are scarred.

And for tonight, I will take a minute to remember that.
Tonight I fully acknowledge you.
Whoever you are.
Wherever you are.
Whatever your story is.

Today I dedicate my torrent of tears to you.
Tonight when I kneel, I will forget all my spoilt young female melodrama and just think about you.
I will tell God about you.
When I am begging Jesus to fix it,
I will plead that He fixes it for you.
Tonight, I finally understand how and why you matter.
So tonight, I want my knees to ache
because I knelt and prayed for you.

#147isnotjustanumber

I Saw You Again In a Dream

I close my eyes and see you
My subconcious evidently more alive than my concious.

Amazing how in seeing you I feel a happiness I can never feel when I am awake.
Maybe love is eternally internal.
Or maybe I use this as just another defense for my laziness,
another justification and manifestation of how I am the perfect melancholic in constant desire of temporary peace..
Of a comforting little nap.

Yet I have this nagging sense that what I feel is much deeper.

I believe this is more of life's way of imprinting you in my memory.
Your way of staying relevant.
Of making sure I never stop missing you..
It's that sense of peace I get when you visit me in my dreams.
It's the way I curse my alarm clock when I open my eyes on the morning after
that reminds me once upon a time you were real
and the bitter-sweet realization that follows...

Oh joy! It was a dream.
A sweet sweet dream.
But sadly, that's all that it remains.
Just a dream.

A poem and An Anthology

THE POEM

Oh,
How we dance dreamily before the crack of daylight,
Make merry merrily masked by the mysterious shadows,
Concealed by a lack of light.

We see each other,
if at all glittery silhouettes count for perfect vision.

And touch each other,
if only because in the seemingly deceiving darkness,
we are each other's support.

But the fear and apprehension still hangs heavily in our hidden hearts.

Will we still want to dance with each other eternally
when the glittery silhouettes
are replaced with honest blemishes and scars?

AND NOW FOR MY BIG ANNOUNCEMENT

So a bunch of my beautiful readers mentioned that the bad thing about poem posts is that they are a bit too abstract making them a bit hard to understand. So after being struck by a moment of inspiration I decided I am going to compile an ANTHOLOGY.

Now let's be clear, I am by every standard an amateur who does not know a thing about how to do so. But it won't hurt to try right?

The proposed document will be in form of a pdf which I want to link to some site (probably google drive) which anyone and everyone should be able to download. At least that is what I want. I also want it public because I wouldn't mind some constructive criticism and reviews about it as well.
About the anthology itself? Well it is obviously themed around a love story. This is because the idea became a bigger possibility when I realized I happen to have a collection of poems with that theme lying around everywhere which were written at different times and inspired by different events but which when put together can somehow tell a story.

The title?
Still thinking about that but I am open to suggestions, think along the lines of finding a first love during a Kenyan Summer.

So of course I need a ton of help so any reader out there who knows a thing or two that can help, please just drop a comment here or on my social media pages. And if you are good with IT and can help me figure out where I can post the document for easy download, that would be great!

Anyway thanks for dropping by.
Love and love.

November 28th 2014.

Speechless.

Robber of hearts
you stole my heart
and my words followed obligingly
because what I feel at best is often
undescribable
but I dare to make a feeble attempt.

Naked.

Fully clothed,
I stand before you and my inner thoughts shudder for they have nowhere to hide.

I know now everyone sees what you see but I am now convinced that no one can see it the way you do.

See, I just may be the melancholic girl your mother must have mistakenly forgot to warn you about.

But as certain as the surety of a sunrise
You still remain the sterling sir that sees me beyond the seen.

So this is for you on the day you allowed me to see  your flawless faults
Because now I realize now that when the strongest stumble they come back only stronger.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Oxls2xX0Clg

Weird.

Maybe it is natural,
Automatic.
The constant worry of what the masses think.
This constant desire to please and appease.
The irrational fear of being the one they will tease.
The desire to impress even if it means it is your voice that you will have to surpress,
For people who at the back of your mind you know could not care less.
About you.

Or maybe, maybe
Like character it is acquired.
This desire to be desired.
To be angels we are not.
To cover up our every fault.
To blend in with the rest.
And from there be considered the best.
Irregardless of whether what we have to do,
Is seldom in our best interest.

Maybe this approval sought after
Is a figment of our imagination.
An inexistent creation.
Devised by our once clean conscience
Designed to steer us the wrong way
Perhaps to give us a justification
For every act done as a result of poor discretion.
To forever leave us in torment
And further from our state of perfection;
That ever elusive state of self actualization.

Maybe I should finally let them judge me for growing up.
For shutting these  voices down.
For wearing my wonderful weirdness like a crown.
For marching to the oh-so orthodox beat of my own drum
And not associating with those who will not make me conform to the erratic march of theirs.

For only associating with those who love me for the angel I am not
And the devil I try not to be.

Off the Market

For a Confidant...

Congratulations are in order I guess,
Apparently word is finally she said yes
Though I celebrate with you because the effort paid off
I'll miss being able to text you at 3 a.m when I am an emotional mess
It's really not a big deal though so don't you stress
all about boundaries more or less

I mean I respect you and what you have
And I will cheer you on from a distance as it turns into love
But not too far, I still remain a friend
And you can call me your cheerleader
And I will encourage you even when the honeymoon shall end
But before it's over and you have so much to say
About how the way she walks and talks makes you smile all the way
You can count on me to listen to that love shit all day

I also promise to understand if for plans you are late
Or need to ditch me for an impromptu date
And because females are complicated I guarrantee the best of advice
That includes a shopping buddy for gifts
Nigga you won't even have to ask twice

And for all the pain and drama you saw me through in the past
I promise to be the one you can talk to when it will hurt that it didn't last
And if you ever give second chances that turn into heartbreak again
Call me the only female whose loyalty will remain

As I end this really bad nursery rhyme
I hope it works out for you this time...

So to the one I used to call at 3 a.m when I am a vulnerable confused emotional mess
Cheers but remember those boundaries will never keep me
From being that shoulder at 3 a.m when it's your heart that's under stress.

Being in Your Twenties

This has to be the post which I wrote the fastest, thank God for the command copy+paste.
Anyway as I have too often mentioned, I am 20 and accepting that fact has been the hardest thing of my life because of the sudden reality that I am becoming a woman and the proverbial 'rest of my life' is now here and it's time to make real choices.
I admit it hasn't been easy and my mind is like this warzone with so much going on.
I thought I was alone until I came across this post on This is Ess which I could totally relate to because it described a lot of how I am feeling.  So with the necessary permissions I decided to reblog it because I feel it could touch the hearts of a few more people and perhaps encourage them.

Oh and it was originally created by Sheila Shiru.

BEING IN YOUR TWENTIES....

Being in your twenties...

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start
realizing that there are many things about yourself that
you didn't know and may not like.You start feeling
insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two,
but then get scared because you barely know where you
are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that,
maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close
to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met,
and the people you have lost touch with are some of the
most important ones. What you don't recognize is that
they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty,
mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what
you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are
looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have
to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions
have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and
find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly
you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life
and are constantly adding things to your list of what is
acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure
and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You
feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is
the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear
life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and
further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where
you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you
loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and
wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that
you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love
someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out
why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a
bad person. You want to settle down for good because
now all of a sudden that becomes top priority. Getting
wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.You
begin to think a companion for life is better than a
hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind
standing tall for that special someone which otherwise
you had never thought of until now.

You go through the same emotions and questions over
and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics
because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry
about loans, money, the future and making a life for
yourself... and while winning the race would be great,
right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this
relates to it.We are in our best of times and our worst of
times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing
out. 

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis".

- See more at: http://www.thisisess.com/2013/08/being-in-your-twenties.html#sthash.dIcUiKfG.dpuf

Being in your twenties

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start
realizing that there are many things about yourself that
you didn't know and may not like.You start feeling
insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two,
but then get scared because you barely know where you
are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that,
maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close
to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met,
and the people you have lost touch with are some of the
most important ones. What you don't recognize is that
they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty,
mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what
you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are
looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have
to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions
have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and
find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly
you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life
and are constantly adding things to your list of what is
acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure
and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You
feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is
the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear
life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and
further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where
you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you
loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and
wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that
you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love
someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out
why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a
bad person. You want to settle down for good because
now all of a sudden that becomes top priority. Getting
wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.You
begin to think a companion for life is better than a
hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind
standing tall for that special someone which otherwise
you had never thought of until now.

You go through the same emotions and questions over
and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics
because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry
about loans, money, the future and making a life for
yourself... and while winning the race would be great,
right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this
relates to it.We are in our best of times and our worst of
times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing
out. 

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis".

...One minute, you are insecure
and then the next, secure...

Happy weekend everyone.

xoxo

Being in your twenties...

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start
realizing that there are many things about yourself that
you didn't know and may not like.You start feeling
insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two,
but then get scared because you barely know where you
are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that,
maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close
to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met,
and the people you have lost touch with are some of the
most important ones. What you don't recognize is that
they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty,
mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what
you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are
looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have
to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions
have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and
find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly
you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life
and are constantly adding things to your list of what is
acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure
and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You
feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is
the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear
life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and
further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where
you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you
loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and
wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that
you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love
someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out
why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a
bad person. You want to settle down for good because
now all of a sudden that becomes top priority. Getting
wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.You
begin to think a companion for life is better than a
hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind
standing tall for that special someone which otherwise
you had never thought of until now.

You go through the same emotions and questions over
and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics
because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry
about loans, money, the future and making a life for
yourself... and while winning the race would be great,
right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this
relates to it.We are in our best of times and our worst of
times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing
out. 

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis".

- See more at: http://www.thisisess.com/2013/08/being-in-your-twenties.html#sthash.dIcUiKfG.dpuf

Being in your twenties...

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start
realizing that there are many things about yourself that
you didn't know and may not like.You start feeling
insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two,
but then get scared because you barely know where you
are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that,
maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close
to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met,
and the people you have lost touch with are some of the
most important ones. What you don't recognize is that
they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty,
mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what
you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are
looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have
to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions
have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and
find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly
you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life
and are constantly adding things to your list of what is
acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure
and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You
feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is
the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear
life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and
further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where
you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you
loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and
wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that
you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love
someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out
why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a
bad person. You want to settle down for good because
now all of a sudden that becomes top priority. Getting
wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.You
begin to think a companion for life is better than a
hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind
standing tall for that special someone which otherwise
you had never thought of until now.

You go through the same emotions and questions over
and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics
because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry
about loans, money, the future and making a life for
yourself... and while winning the race would be great,
right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this
relates to it.We are in our best of times and our worst of
times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing
out. 

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis".

- See more at: http://www.thisisess.com/2013/08/being-in-your-twenties.html#sthash.dIcUiKfG.dpuf

Being in your twenties...

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start
realizing that there are many things about yourself that
you didn't know and may not like.You start feeling
insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two,
but then get scared because you barely know where you
are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that,
maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close
to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met,
and the people you have lost touch with are some of the
most important ones. What you don't recognize is that
they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty,
mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what
you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are
looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have
to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions
have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and
find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly
you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life
and are constantly adding things to your list of what is
acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure
and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You
feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is
the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear
life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and
further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where
you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you
loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and
wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that
you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love
someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out
why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a
bad person. You want to settle down for good because
now all of a sudden that becomes top priority. Getting
wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.You
begin to think a companion for life is better than a
hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind
standing tall for that special someone which otherwise
you had never thought of until now.

You go through the same emotions and questions over
and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics
because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry
about loans, money, the future and making a life for
yourself... and while winning the race would be great,
right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this
relates to it.We are in our best of times and our worst of
times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing
out. 

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis".

- See more at: http://www.thisisess.com/2013/08/being-in-your-twenties.html#sthash.dIcUiKfG.dpuf

WEDDINGS

Dear Hero,

Weddings.
We've been to enough of them.
What I love?
Something good always comes out of them.
Always.
A terrific outfit: weddings bear testament proudly to my fashion sense that has evolved from green pencil skirts to peplum vitenges.
Additionally weddings are great for reconnecting with well, everyone.
I thank weddings for those old friends and dear family I am always running into.

But actually mine is more of a hate-love with weddings:

Love:
The fashion and the singing.
 Especially this song

(nice guitar opening chords)

I am deeply worried at heart...

Hate:
How lately  they make me all teary.
I realized this was a problem when my hankie started getting wet and I remembered I didn't even know the name of the couple let alone my relation to them.
I realized also the words that start the torrent of tears:

I (insert father's name here) give my daughter (insert daughter's name here) to be wed...

I have no idea why.
There's always this lump in my throat and then this tear just falls.

But one thing I know, if it's a Kenyan wedding I will still always want to go.
Heck, even if it's a Russian one count me there.

It isn't about the food, Kenyans just never seem to get it right in that department. This could be blamed on wedding crashers. Those ones who reach the reception so boldly uninvited are the ones who in the words of a Mejja (a local artiste I love)"ndio wa kwanza kuwika hii food haina nyama "

(As I realize how I fall in this category  allow me to hide my head in shame)

However I do not crash weddings for food. Let it be clear.
I crash them because I crash them.

I crash them for this beautiful moment

I (insert father's name here) give my daughter (insert daughter's name here) to be wed...

I crash them to imagine what it would be like hearing you say those words.

I crash them to critique people getting it wrong with suits and dresses like I am some 20 year old Joan Rivers.

I crash weddings to pretend to  listen to people give speeches about people I did not previously know existed.

I crash them to imagine how if you were around they'd listen. Somehow. Even if the wedding is in the middle of no-where and it's 6.30 pm and people are impatiently waiting for the last round of free drinks and cake before they start their long journey back home,  they would listen. Because you always knew how to make them listen.

I crash weddings because at weddings, I miss you.
I crash weddings because at weddings I remember you and I wish you would have been there for some of them. All of them.

Really I do. Some of them you would have loved. They were all classy and elgenat they should have been made the SI unit for good weddings. I wish you would have seen them.

But what I wish for more? A chance to have you at the ultimate wedding. Mine.
If I do deciode to do one, I know it will be quite the teary affair.

I also know I will cry at my favourite part...

 I (insert father's name here) give my daughter (insert daughter's name here) to be wed...

Even though I know you will not be around, I'll cry a lot because I know wherever you are you'll be proud of me and judiging my chosen partner; As father's always do.

By the way they will do a tribute at mine. For you.

They'd rather skip

my sweet Elizabeth but why did you have to goooooo....

but I will cause a serious scene if they skip that.

Anyway I guess that's all.

I miss you BTW.
And thank you for the eighteen years, two months and twenty eight days you were a great dad.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmDxJrggie8

source: Google Images

Darkness Song

Dark days have their song too
Their notes the sighs of steps of a sojourner struggling to make her way through paths
Where the sun seems to lack signs of rising any time soon.

Sadness.

Is it an emotion or way of life?
Is the anger a reaction or an expression of state of mind?

Only the Creator can answer that.

But the creation can bear testament that the darkness does exist.
Masked rather deceptively behind forced laughter and fake smiles.
Sometimes the lie becomes so believable
The world begins to fall for the fallacy.

But the truth remains,

Everything is not okay.

Open letter to a role model

In my inexistent self actualized state,
I spend my days penning lines in the hope that they'll come out as enlightened as yours.

Reality.

In my living state as a sojourner struggling to make sense of life,
I steal moments in between what I am actually meant to be doing
And spend them scrolling through your works.

Captivated.

In your words my undocumented emotions come to life.
As well as my dreams.
The thoughts that haunt me in my lucid moments.

Intellect awakened
or as you so poetically phrased the feeling
darkness illuminated,
It's amazing how newly found truth becomes that nagging voice behind every action once insight is gained.
My ignorance exposed.
Sometimes the truth makes me feel naked but like an addict to his fix,
I come back.

That’s how I am convinced you are a hypnotist.

In your words I found inspiration.
In your descriptions I realized story telling is a vocation
So it follows I fall in love with every piece of purely poetic logic I find with every revelation.

Precious Philharmonic Poet,
In your poetry I discover my passion.

My deep rooted desire to give another mind the same intoxication
each piece of yours gives me.

And though I understand your desire to travel light through a world filled with freedom of noise,
I hope one day I will be able to access my archive of well articulated wisdom.

In my living state of a sojourner striving to make sense of it all,
life,
I am a self confessed addict of the arts
So please come back,
My bulldozing dose of elegantly elucidated prose.