Yes, I know tears and the office have no place together but I have finished my tasks for the day and I'm just stalling because I'd rather enjoy the free wifi for a bit than walk alone because everyone isn't finished yet.
Anyway back to business.
I am 8 pages away from finishing Stephen Chbosky's 'The perks of being a wallflower'.
So if anyone is wondering why, it is because of Charlie. Yes Charlie. And Sam. But mostly Charlie.
Therefore today's post is about Charlie and hugs.
Mostly hugs.
Have you ever needed a hug?
Like, have you ever found yourself feeling so broken or scared or alone?
Have you ever had moments when the material things didn't matter because the kind of low you were feeling opened your eyes to how it is all an illusion.
I wrote earlier about how pain makes one a philosopher. But have you ever been too shattered to even contemplate this- the kind of broken that leaves you feeling like you are just floating in space and you aren't even sure what anything is anymore?
Well, if you haven't feel free. Close this page. I promise my next post will be much happier, I might even include a cat video or something.
But if you have, well let me ask you one thing, have someone ever given you a hug at this precise moment?
In the midst of you feeling like you are shattering into three million pieces like a piece of thin glass, has anybody just perceived you and just reached out and literally held you together?
Probably they did it because they were meant to. Or even better they don't usually do such things but maybe it was some unknown external force that touched them and miraculously made their hands curve around your body and suddenly you were able to keep it together.
How did it feel?
Did you suddenly feel lighter than doing 4 hours daily at the gym for a year could ever make you feel?
If your answer to at least most of the above questions is yes, then you know what the sheer power of this act is.
I could give you a definition of what a hug is but let me explain it to you with one simple phrase:
hug= the magical glue that keeps people from crumbling into a million pieces when they feel more fragile than a sheet of ice.
This simple act. I have no idea what magic it contains but whatever it has, it heals everything.
Maybe it is like the universal symbol of love. It can't be a kiss because Jesus was betrayed with one but a hug? A hug is the way an African parent who does not know how to show emotion can tell you after 16 years in this horrid education system of ours that they are proud of you.
A hug is the way a baby whose vocabulary is underdeveloped tells her mummy that she appreciates the way she takes care of her. A hug is the one simple act that speaks volumes where words can't. That's why people hug at funerals because it's the only way to communicate togetherness in the wake of this unsolvable mystery called death.
A hug means 'I love you.'A hug means 'I may not understand what you are going through but I am here and for now I hope that is enough reason to keep it together a little longer.'
A hug is sometimes the difference between 'I don't want to live anymore' and 'I think I'll give this life thing a shot just one more time.'
A hug can save a life.
I realized this one time when the security situation in this country and in my neighbourhood had got so bad and I came home and I found this police officer walking around boldly with a gun and I just lost it because at the time we weren't really sure if the same officers were behind the whole insecurity issue in my neighbourhood. See, if you can't feel safe in the one place you have called home for over 10 years where can you be safe?
I entered the house and went full out crying. But my mummy dearest in all her motherly patience held me tight and for that split second in between letting out this torrent of I tears I finally felt that even though the world is a scary place, one way or the other everything will be okay.
And it was like I could breathe again for the first time.
That's how powerful a hug can be. And do not even let me go on about how the millions of hugs kept me sane that time my dad was sick and I'd go to school not sure if I would ever see him again. Maybe that's how even though I went under for a while, I never really lost my it because somehow the millions of hugs I got kept me together.
Back to Charlie, everytime I read about him I want to give him three hundred million hugs. I guess maybe because he is at this stage where he feels all alone and sometimes even those close to him never really get him and that makes me feel sad.
And Charlie is so sensitive and feels emotions in a very deep and powerful way.
Honestly, Charlie is kind of broken and messed up.
But then again aren't we all? The only difference is some of us have a wide circle of friends who are equally messed up and broken in their own way so we get to bond over that as we support each other in our messed up brokenness. Charlie doesn't have that luxury and that makes me sad. Sometimes when I see how he is about to fall apart I wish so hard that I could hug him and hold him together but I can't so I just cry quietly with him instead and forget about my own messed up and brokenness.
That sounds kind of fucked up right?
Well tell me something that isn't new.
Anyway I know you have a Charlie in your life. Or maybe you see someone with Charlie-ish tendencies. Someone who seems to have a little trouble getting through their days. Please don't let them shatter into a million pieces without trying as hard as you can to hold them together.
After all, we have all been there once and someone saved us by giving us a hug that made everything seem okay again.
And if you haven't read about Charlie, I really think you should and join me in mentally wishing we could give him a million bear hugs.
Love,
A very emotional Meg.
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