Taking stock: It's June!!

Can you believe it is June already?
First half of the year practically gone. I didn't know I'd make it this far but I did it. Surprise!
And look at you, if you are reading this you are alive so go you!
Look at you surviving and everything. Isn't the gift of being alive such a blessing?
Anyway as I look at my ultimate to do list for the year 2015 and see how many items I can confidently cross off, how about taking stock right?
So here goes...

Making:Umm... does preparing working papers count? Because at work that is pretty much 90% what I do. The other 10% constitutes convincing myself not to use company wi-fi to blog and drinking tea.

Cooking: Nothing. Let's stop lying to ourselves we are the classic cooking and cleaning female right? Personally, I am not.

Drinking:Tea. And later I will take mama's  yummy freshly made Mango Juice.

Reading: Noviolet Bulawayo's 'We need new names'. Or rather just finished reading it.
Amazing I tell you. Watch out for my review on it on the StoryMoja festival blog.

Playing: Not a damn thing. I gave up on Redball after level 2. Games just aren't my thing.

Wishing: That time could stand still. I work at this amazing company with the most patient and amazing people, I hate how this internship has to end in a few weeks. *sad face*

Enjoying: My new black opal lip-stick in vampire red. The lip-stick junkie in me is in lip-stick heaven. Talk about great buys.

Waiting: To go home. Trying to give this job my best is so damn exhausting.

Loving: This new literary creative streak I am on. The words have been flowing freely lately. I even participated in the May Short story contest . Even though I didn't win, I love the piece I wrote. Thinking of maybe re-publishing it on this here blog.

Watching: Keeping up with the Kardashians? Haven't had time to go to my regular DVD guy for a fix so re-watching old episodes on E! is what I'm about.

In other unrelated  news, Caitlyn Jenner can gerrit! Whatever your stance is on the whole trans-sexual agenda, you have to admit she came out looking amazing. And if you have no idea what I am talking about, Google is your best friend darling.

 Anyway back to taking stock:

Hoping: That this rain doesn't start till I am safely in bed. I have no issues with this wet and cold Nairobi weather but how it inconveniences everything when it starts suddenly in the middle of the day is not cool.

Marvelling: At how everything always works out in the end. I'm learning that with God, and a little faith, it will work out in the end. And God's timing no matter how much we get impatient with it is always the best.

Wearing: Typical work gear: Formal pants, shirt and a warm cardigan.

Following: Miss I's blog. This girl knows what's up when it comes to growing in the corporate world. Love it!

Feeling: Anxious. I have no idea why :/
 

Bookmarking: This lifestyle blog. Cool stuff right there. 

Thank you for taking stock with me and if you do a taking stock post as well comment below. Would love to read it.
Stay positive and love yourself a little more this June.

Hugs and Kisses,
Me.
:))

THE UNSENT LETTER

 >>> reblog of my article that appeared on The Story Moja Festival Blog


I’m no expert on pain but like everybody who has ever been hurt I think I am well on my way. See, one thing I learnt since you’ve been gone is that pain makes the best philosophers. Think of some of the greatest writers of this century and centuries past. William Shakespeare wrote of two jilted lovers in the famous Romeo and Juliet and we all know that story ended tragically. Pablo Neruda’s most beautiful works all have this element of pain- the heartbreak of parting with a lover. Closer to home we have Ngugi wa Thiongo. Though he wrote of colonialism, the reason his works told the Kenyan Independence story so wonderfully is the pain element- how it hurts to have land taken away and to live like a slave in your own home. I can go on and on. But I have to keep this letter short.
I became a philosopher too. I had written about pain before. Previously, I documented my theories on how infatuation hurts and growing pains in little musings scattered across diaries and notebooks labelled ‘private’ in colourful marker pens. But I realized I wouldn’t go down in history as one of the greatest if I only shared my wisdom with myself so for a while I retreated. Instead I chose to focus on studying the wisdom of philosophers before me. I read and read and soaked in the various ways of expression.
But your unexpected exit forced me out of my cocoon.
And that was the first thing I learnt about pain. Like a stomach cramp at midnight, it jerks you into being alert. And even if you close your eyes and try to burrow deeper into your blankets, it hurts so bad you can’t help but notice it.
That’s how it felt like when it hit me I just might lose you.
When the pain became too much to bear, I sought release. So I wrote on and on about my fears.
They first sounded like annoying little nursery rhymes but I kept at it. Those lessons on hope I was learning as I stayed up all night praying you would wake up couldn’t be kept to myself. I shared them. Whether they cared or not, I showed it to them.A bold step. But I was following in the steps of philosophers I idolised. And just like them, with every item I wrote and shared, I realized I was getting better.
The next thing I learnt about pain, I learnt when you gave in and chose not to stay here any longer.
It hurt. I thought you would stay. But I guess someone bigger had plans that were far bigger than mine. I cried but I chose to honour you the way philosophers like me would have so I stood tall that day we bid you goodbye and gave you my best. I’m still not sure which one made them take notice more; whether it was the wonderfully woven words or the shaky voice struggling to sound eloquent. Whichever it was, in the midst of a world that seemed to be crumbling all around,I realized that it is in pain that you re-discover your strength. So on that day when my knees felt that they could barely support me, it was in writing that I found peace.
You should be happy to know I kept at it. Pain gave me the courage to make sure all the wisdom I’ve learnt over the years follows me to infinity because I kept writing it down. I’ve been doing so artistically too because what I know I have is a gift.
Three and a half years since since your departure, I was expecting to be done with pain. I have learnt a lot and discovered even more about myself.
But I guess that’s one more thing I have learnt about pain: you never get over it because it always finds a new way to re-invent itself.
It starts as the physical pain of a headache you get when you cry your eyes out. It gravitates to the emotional pain and void you feel when you realize your loved one isn’t with you but then it grows to become the mental torture of realizing how life goes on and the person you so dearly miss is only but a memory.
Allow me to explain a little better. See, I started interning at what is shaping out to be my dream company recently. The truth is I realized the pain of your absence pierces through my thoughts a little more than it should.
I remember you every time I run into my boss and imagine you calling the shots at the last place you worked. It stings worse when he talks on the phone and I swear he sounds just like you.
I walk through the office at 7 a.m and the perfume I wear lingers strongly behind me and that scent, though far from what you used to wear, still reminds me of the Hugo Boss that you would spray every morning on your way out.
At the coffee station I serve myself a cup of overly sugared hot chocolate and I remember how you would always eagerly serve me the same every time it was your turn to pick me up from school and we’d make a detour through your office.
But you know when the pain of your absence hurt me like a stake through the heart?
That first time my senior congratulated me for a job well done.
It was a giant step. To me it was a leap in the right direction.
But I experienced it without you.
And that was what hurt me more than anything. Because I know you would have been so proud.
You were my cheerleader and the cheer of achievement quickly faded when I got home and all I could see was your coloured portrait staring back at me in a frame,not your warm hug welcoming me with the words, ‘congrats Baby, I am so proud of you.’
At that moment that mental, physical and emotional recognition of your absence burned more than the fieriest furnace ever could.
But I guess it’s all good.
Just another lesson in pain I get to document for the world to see.
And though I know this letter will never reach you, I just thought I’d leave this in the memoirs I write. Maybe, the pain will start to get a little less if I allow its trace to follow me through infinity.
I miss you daddy.
Happy Labour day.


 For my daddy, I still remember you.

Scripturient Addictions

Let me tell you who this one is for.

This one is for you if you may possibly have tried other drugs but are convinced beyond any doubt that no material stimulant can ever take you to the cosmic levels of elation that the simple act of putting pen to paper(or finger to keyboard) does.

For the scripturient tendencies within you,
those moments when the words flow freely and wipe out any other thing in the world except that message you  so desperately need to convey.
For the zombie you have been known to become; oblivious of all else except the vast universe your mind begs you to explore with the sentences you keep stringing.

For that empty feeling when the sentences string themselves into a complete story.
The writer's hangover.
That hollowness because after giving a piece your all you feel drained:
mentally, emotionally, possibly physically.
And that lingering blank space where you ask yourself,
'so what next?'

This is for you who sneaks to the bathroom at the most awkward of times and hate to admit publicly that it is while taking a dump that some of your greatest stories have been crafted.
For those sneaky sneaky writing habits that remind you of those sneaky sneaky habits other substance abusers have.
For those moments your style of expression has had you questioning your sanity.

But this poem is also for you if you are suffering from withdrawal symptoms.
The tormentous mental  torture of writer's block.
When you crave to reach that peak but the words refuse to take you there because they just wont allow themselves to find you this time.
Fear not,
because in the dead of the night, they will whisk you away and you will find yourself unable to stop writing them down and when it is over, Armstrong will have nothing on you in terms of achievement because that masterpiece you create feels like the ultimate.

Sometimes the craft may even give you a high that will have you hallucinating.
So this is also for you if you may or may not have practiced your Pullitzer Price Acceptance Speech in the mirror a few thousand times.
Or if you already have a secret Pinterest board titled Caine Prize Winner Gala Outfit Ideas.
Or you already know what tropical island vacation you will spend your Nobel Prize Cash Award on.
And it is particularly for you if you know your friends and family will disown you if you ever shared the above fantasies with them but you still dare to have them anyway.

So this is for the day-dreamers
Whose dreams live a little everytime they write them down.
For the artistic misfits who know not many understand their craft but keep writing anyway.
For the introverts whose multiple personalities are revealed with every beautifully structured sentence strung together.
For the sanguine yet silent sapiosexuals whose immense intellect comes to play when they stare at a blank page.

This poem is for weirdos like me- writers with wandering minds that are only found behind walls painted white with black characters.

May the wells of words in our pens never run dry.

From My Melancholic Diary: Breaking the Depression Cycle

Hi,
I am Meg and I have suffered from depression.

*insert background chorus of people saying Welcome Meg here*

How's that for an intro to a Mental Health Post?
Yes. Depression.
The D word. Not the most commonly talked about 'D' but I digress. Sorry.

I am bold enough to say that this beautiful Dream Chasing journey of mine has some dark grey clouds of depression scattered all over it.
I probably put mentioning this at the bottom of the list of things about Meg that I slide into conversations so for some people in my immediate circle reading this, this one may come as a shocker (depending on which side of Meg you buy as the truth). However, step one to recovery is always confession. That's why all those movies you watch with scenes showing AA meetings always have a part where one of the addicts stands up and says.. 'Hi, I'm X and I am an alcoholic'.

Anyway back to the issue at hand. Depression. It is a disease and it is real. Like every other condition it varies from person to person. For some it is full blown. Remember Robin Williams and how it led to the death of one of the world's best comics? For others it is like an annoying seasonal allergy. Always present, ready to attack at the slightest trigger but never serious enough to require a serious external intervention, only requiring a little correction and time to fix. It is this and everything in between. So maybe I am not wrong to say that everybody at some point has had to deal with it. It could have been because of a devastating break up, a lifestyle change or friends that had you going down the wrong path. At some point, we all have that one moment when it took a little extra effort to get out of bed in the morning and no it was not just because of the all-nighter you pulled.

I could go on and on about my history but  the internet isn't big enough to accommodate that post so let me put it simply. It is not a past I want to go back to.  Simply because giving in to sadness every day means missing out on the best that life has to offer. Every day I spent waking up and counting the hours till I could get back in bed again meant another day not being mesmerized by a beautiful sunrise, not exerting myself enough during the day therefore missing out on the rewards of my labour and finally watching the sun set and realizing it was another day well wasted. And that is where depression becomes a real bitch because that feeling, that sad feeling at the end of the day gives birth to more regret which means another reason for you to curse the start of a new day and the cycle continues all over again.
This cycle can continue endlessly until a point is reached where your mind snaps back to its senses( if you are lucky to reach this point on your own).
But there is hope for me, for you and for everybody who feels like they are almost at the end of their road or are getting there.
Kindly note what I offer does not help to cure it completely. The truth is I am too much of an amateur to guide you on that but I will leave some useful links at the end that can help you get to this point of recovery. Additionally I think some personality types are prone to depression so the dark cloud never really goes away. I am a melancholic. Basically the queen of bottling things inside and not fully opening up to others. In fact it gets so bad sometimes that the people around me only find out about things that were killing me slowly inside months maybe years after it happens.  So this list especially applies to people like me and anyone who is about to reach that point of going down the dark cloud path. Once again I am no professional so if I am wrong, do not take my word as the gospel truth. Instead research and talk to the experts.
So my 8 actions to break the cycle are...

1. Pray.
God first always. My views on religion are liberal but over the years prayer has become an integral part of my routine. Prayer fixes things and when you are down only divine intervention can pull you up. Even if it is just a simple 'Hi God, I am sad help me.' That can change everything if said in true vulnerability and faith.  I pray when I am happy, I pray when I am mad and scared I will do something stupid and most importantly I pray immediately I feel that anxiety creeping in. And FYI anxiety is a major trigger for me. This leads me to number 2...

2. Know your triggers
As mentioned one of my triggers is anxiety which usually is because of change. Change makes me nervous and when I am nervous I can't think. I just want to hide and pray it goes away and leaves me untouched. Why knowledge of your triggers is important is because by knowing what makes you go into sad mode you are able to prepare for it and position yourself mentally to deal with it instead of letting it eat you up. A good example is if break ups are your trigger. By knowing this you will enter a relationship more self aware and if life happens and you break up well, you are likely to find a little energy somewhere to deal with this positively because you know clearly what will happen if you don't. For me and the whole anxiety thing, well, I am learning to embrace positivity and seeing the bright possibilities that come with change instead of the negative. This has given me the confidence to embrace it more instead of you know hiding  away. Which leads me to point 3...

3. Positivity all around.
As cliché as this sounds embrace positive thinking. Not just in theory but in the way you live. A simple way to do this is by always countering a negative thought with a happy positive thought. For example for every time you make a mistake and think, 'I am so stupid I mess everything'. Follow that up by thinking and saying to yourself, 'All experts started somewhere and I am just following the same path.' Now let that simple thought keep running through your mind even if somebody makes you feel otherwise. Somewhere along the way you will start to believe it. Even when you are feeling down just sitting quietly, allow yourself to see beyond where you are by reminding yourself that happiness will come and you, just like everyone, else deserve it.

4. Remember the good times.
Depression is a dark cloud that keeps us from seeing all the color that exists in the world. But you know what happens to a dark cloud when a ray of sunshine penetrates it?It breaks.
So do that. Take a minute to look at old pictures of you smiling or re-read a text or email that had you blushing for hours on end. Do it. Do not think about it just do it. Scroll through your social media pages and look at that selfie where you were looking all sexy. Take a minute to go through that stupid video you and your friends made that time you went on that roadtrip and it was happiness, (a little intoxication) and good memories all around. That person you see looking back at you who seemed so alive and full of joy is still somewhere inside you, you just need to let a little more of the sunshine in. This post was partly inspired by this app I discovered and am loving called Happy Me. It is a diary app that helps you keep track of your happiness level by allowing you to write important things about those days e.g who you spent it with, what you achieved, ate etc. It helps create a log which you can refer to the next time you need to remember the last time you felt on top of the world and what could have caused it. Plus its free and uses up little memory. In my opinion remembering the good times does not get any easier than this.

5. Let the pain out.
I said this post has a bias towards melancholics whose first instinct when they sense pain is to retreat so this one is even more for them.  If talking never seems to fix the pain maybe because you find it hard to express yourself verbally then, create away your pain. This means draw, write, paint; whatever. Hey, even  if playing a sad ballard on the piano will make you feel better play away honey. Just do not to keep the pain inside. Even if what you create is far from the masterpieces you are known for, don't worry, no one has to see or hear it, just let that pain outside in the best melancholic way you know how and get back to creating your usual amazing work. Also if sports is your thing go ahead: play till the last bead of sweat drops and drops the stress with it too. At this point I recommend crying. I know sometimes this is not always easy especially if you are past that point of tears and feel numb but try it. If the tears wont come, peel an onion or watch the Titanic, whatever that can help trigger the tearducts and once the torrent comes.. PLEASE DO NOT STOP IT UNTIL YOU ARE DONE. This helps get rid of those stress hormones and your body will thank you.

6. Talk.
If all else fails talk.  If you are of the more social temperaments, this should be number 2 on your list. But if not, talking is that one thing that you should try as a last resort because it is likely to add more stress especially if the people you talk to are not within your precious circle of trust. One thing for sure is it fixes things but I think melancholics heal from the inside and this concept might be a little hard to understand. At least for me it sometimes is but it is true. Sometimes a problem shared is a problem half solved. So for a melancholic, find that one person whose general aura sits well with you. Ideally someone who you feel you can trust or who has accepts you and all your silence. If they respect your silence, then they will embrace your words so talk it out.

7. Give yourself a time out.
Stop what you are doing and rest. Now. If you feel that little tinge of sadness and self pity crawling in, give yourself a break. Take a walk, grab a HEALTHY snack, lock yourself in a little room alone and allow your mind to go blank for a little bit. If you are in a position to take a power nap, do it. Just do not let this be the starting point for you to wallow in bed all day. Let the break instead allow you to relax, de-stress, de-clutter your mind and heart. If people are the ones making you go down the dark path, break away from them for a little while to recover and get your energy right. Remember the cliché saying.. 'Depressed? Deep rest is best.'

8. Whatever you do DO NOT GIVE IN.
Cry. Scream. Beg. Even bleed. Whatever you do, do not let sadness win. Depression is like a vacuum. At the slightest opportunity it can suck you in so do not give in. Fight.  Fight for your right to smile. Fight for your right to be happy.
Wake up and make a concious decision not to let the negativity control you.
Sometimes all it takes to finally silence those depression demons is that resolve to be happy each and every day.

I hope I have helped in anyway. Like I said, I'm no expert. I'm just a girl with a blog who has had to battle this thing one too many times until I said I'm done with this shit, I need my smiles back.

--- Links that can help...

Very useful site..  http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/dealing-with-depression.htm

Africa's Mental Health Superhero... www.sitawa.blogspot.com

all images used are from Pinterest. 

I Pray For You

I hate thinking about it,
And I am not even the one that had to live it.
I hate seeing and reading about it
Yet I am not the one that will remain scarred for life by it.
I hate acknowledging that it happened,
Yet I was not even there.

I hate having sketchy nightmares about it
Yet I have not a single clue what it felt like. 

See, to me it is just a scary reality show, 

whose edited highlights I watched from the comfort of my couch.
To you it was what you lived through. Your truth.

I can always change the channel and pretend it never happened.
You do not have that luxury.
Your eyes forever burned with the gory images of death, fear... evil.

I can cover my ears every time they talk about it around me.
Your ears do not have that option.
They keep ringing from the deafening shots, the dying screams, the piercing silence of destruction.

I am selfish.
I am so sorry but I am.
I think that the fleeting fear I feel every time they talk about you and what you went through matters.
I only view this situation in terms of how it affects me.
I only think of my future, my dreams, my life.

But the truth is, what I feel can never compare to what you lived through.

I close my eyes in the comfort of my bed and when I cannot bear the images in my sub-concious, I can always wake up,watch a happy video, pretend it never happened.

This can never be compared to the horrid reality you lived through.

The past cannot be fixed.
No amount of transferring you to better institutions and constant hugs can make you feel better.
They can secure the future,
but the thing about living is how we have this tendency to live in the malignant shadow of pain felt in the past.

The word for this is 'haunted'.

You are scarred.

And for tonight, I will take a minute to remember that.
Tonight I fully acknowledge you.
Whoever you are.
Wherever you are.
Whatever your story is.

Today I dedicate my torrent of tears to you.
Tonight when I kneel, I will forget all my spoilt young female melodrama and just think about you.
I will tell God about you.
When I am begging Jesus to fix it,
I will plead that He fixes it for you.
Tonight, I finally understand how and why you matter.
So tonight, I want my knees to ache
because I knelt and prayed for you.

#147isnotjustanumber

Taking Stock:Quarter Way There.

Hello and Happy New Month. We are officially a quarter way done with 2015 and what a great time to take stock and see how you have come along with this year.  So take a minute to look back on the goals you had set for the year. How far have you come in achieving them? Are you still moving in the direction you had set out or has life made you change course and you need to re-define yourself? As we continue chasing our dreams and figuring out this phenomenon called life it is good to have a little benchmark which we can use to compare our progress. So this month take a minute to reflect, take stock and psyche yourself to move on.

Anyway, here is my taking stock post for this quarter. Enjoy and if you are a blogger I challenge you to copy this template and share it on your blog.  It is a quick and easy way to share a little of your beautiful mind so that your readers get to know more of who you are.

Making: Countless draft posts for the Story Moja Blog. This year I'll be writing for the Story Moja Blog and I am super excited to see what my brain is capable of creating.

Cooking: Not a damn thing at all. Eating, on the other hand a lot of freshly made chapatis.
*takes a break to grab some tea*

Drinking:Hmmm..  to lie or not to lie? Okay so I took Jane Mukami's 21 day water challenge and failed miserably. I think I'm just not the biggest water fan. But I know this must change so I will still embark on this quest to make water a habit.

Reading: The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. I have searched for this book for a while and I am super happy to have finally got it.

Playing: Hill climb Racing on my phone. Weird? I know. But for some reason I am just addicted to this simple game. I am also into a lot of brain training games. For anyone who also wants apps that can help boost your mental abilities e.g multi-tasking, arithmetic abilities etc I recommend the following Android Apps: Peak, Lumosity and Elevate. All available in the Playstore.

Wishing:I could pause and rewind time. These days just go by so fast. Sigh.

Enjoying: My holiday. I have been sleeping for like 18 hours a day and I have no regrets. One thing that is for sure is that I earned it.

Waiting: To start my new internship next week. I feel this weird mix of excitement and nervousness. I hope this one will go well.

Loving: My new braids. I feel so ready for the rainy season now.

Watching:(and re-watching) Empire.
So,  if you have no idea what this show that has taken over the entertainment spotlight is all about, I am sorry we just cannot be friends. We cannot at all. :-)

Hoping:(and praying) that all will be well with the victims of the recent Garissa Massacre. My prayers are with them and with this nation. May the Lord protect us from all evil.

Marvelling: At the beauty of sunset. Nature is just so beautiful.

Wearing: My pyjamas as I type this. They  feel so cuddly and soft.

Following: Andrew's blog. This cool friend has this way of writing that is just amazing. Love it.

Feeling: A myriad of emotions. Worried, peaceful, restless, grateful, nervous. I don't know. Could be PMS.

Bookmarking: The Story Moja Blog

AND IN OTHER NEWS..
I know I have been dropping hints the entire post. But once again let me say that I am looking forward to being a contributor for  this year's story Moja Blog. I am super excited because it will be a platform for me to play around with my talent. So watch out for my posts on Thursdays and Fridays. I will also try to repost some of the articles after they appear.
Last year the very same blog featured some amazing articles so I highly recommend you bookmark it as we wait very anxiously for this year's edition of the Story Moja Hay Festival.

Love,
Me aka Meg the Amateur Poet.

I Saw You Again In a Dream

I close my eyes and see you
My subconcious evidently more alive than my concious.

Amazing how in seeing you I feel a happiness I can never feel when I am awake.
Maybe love is eternally internal.
Or maybe I use this as just another defense for my laziness,
another justification and manifestation of how I am the perfect melancholic in constant desire of temporary peace..
Of a comforting little nap.

Yet I have this nagging sense that what I feel is much deeper.

I believe this is more of life's way of imprinting you in my memory.
Your way of staying relevant.
Of making sure I never stop missing you..
It's that sense of peace I get when you visit me in my dreams.
It's the way I curse my alarm clock when I open my eyes on the morning after
that reminds me once upon a time you were real
and the bitter-sweet realization that follows...

Oh joy! It was a dream.
A sweet sweet dream.
But sadly, that's all that it remains.
Just a dream.

Keep Calm.Press Pause.

This goes out to everyone struggling to keep their shit together.

*****

You know what I need? A break.
Like a serious time out from everything and everyone.
An extended period of nothingness to recover from life.
Why?
Well, like every other twenty year old, I am at that stage where shit is starting to get real.
Like suddenly everything from relationships to career to wellness just seem so overwhelming and I feel so ill-prepared. And I think this is funny considering how quite a large number of people around me SEEM to have it all together. While I on the other hand, am on the opposite end of the young people getting it together spectrum.
The terrific twenties are a point when one is this fireball of energy blazing through life.
It's awfully hard to do this when one isn't even sure if they are content with the path they chose to follow.
It's crazy.
It's like the walls just keep closing in and all these questions just keep haunting me at night.
Am I happy? Am I where I am meant to be? Am I doing the right thing with myself?
Are the decisions I made, convinced of their rightness, leading me down the wrong path?

Is this what being in my twenties is all about?
Are all those who seem to be all self actualized really just putting a facade?
Because they never show us the side of the struggle that isn't rainbows and butterflies.

Basically, a girl needs answers. A sort of reassurance that everything will be okay.
Actually, everybody who is at this breaking point needs that reassurance.

So that's what I am going to do. I will just take a break and remember why I chose this path.
Fall in love.
It's time to fall in deep love with my path again.
Maybe I'll also find the reason why my path chose me instead and in doing so find the strength to handle the sideshows that accompany my journey.

Even though I am in this state I am at least lucid enough to still believe in fate and the fact that I am exactly where I need to be.
God never gives anyone anything they were not wired to handle.

Love,
M.

http://www.thisisess.com/2013/08/being-in-your-twenties.html

Sisterhood of the Bloggers Award TAG

I really do not have much time to write this. Honestly, I have a CAT to read for and an anthology to compile and I need to get home but because when duty calls you obey, here I am. So please bear with any typos.

Let me first start by telling you about the most beautiful feeling in the world: appreciation.
Just think about what it feels like to be told a simple "thank you, you are awesome". That magical feeling  you get when somebody takes a minute to recognize the awesomeness you bring into the world. I don't know which compliments make you feel amazing but mine come in the form of the recognition of my writing. Like, that feeling when somebody looks at something I wrote and acknowledges it. I love that.

As a blogger and writer, I also believe in passing that high to other people and with that let me begin.

This beautiful internet has decided to appreciate we beautiful female bloggers and I definitely want to be a part of this.
So, I was nominated by +tesh imani and here goes a few randomly answered questions in celebration of this lovely Sisterhood of World Bloggers Award.

But before I go on I would like to nominate the following females who I think are doing great with their writing and the world should watch out for them;

+Kanyiri Laiboni of  Space Cadet Theories and Musings
+Michelle Moxie of The African Girl
 +Shasha Rshan of Beauty for Broke Girls,
 +The Lordess of the amazing style and beauty blog  thelordess.blogspot.com Enid of mwayulienid.com and lastly,
 Viqq of humanbeingforequality.wordpress.com because her mind is a work of art.

Oh and once nominated just copy the questions below, answer them in your own beautiful way and nominate bloggers who you celebrate as well.

So here goes

1. If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?
 Any feline, probably a Lion because obviously I am a Leo. However, I think lions and all cats are just beings of wonder. First of all their beauty and also their hunting prowess is just amazing. I sure would not mind living my life at the top of the food chain.


2. What legacy would you like to leave behind?
I would love to be a soft memory who impacted the world by having a clean heart and showing that there is more to life than negativity. I want the world to be a place where people love each other a little more and show it in their unique ways just because my life was filled with the same kind of energy.
I want the world to be a place where art is celebrated by everyone because beauty is universal and it is in everyone and everything.

 3. Name one thing you love about yourself, why?
My creativity, just because it is the one thing I learnt about myself at a very young age. My ability to be a great writer/poet is what makes me unique and gives me a million reasons to fall in love with myself everytime I look in the mirror.

4. What would you like to change about yourself or improve on?
Coming from someone who has had her fair share of self esteem issues growing up, you would expect this list to be lengthy but right now I am starting to accept myself the way I am. BUT! If I was to think about it hard enough I'd say I am not the most patient of people, I wish I wasn't. And also I am working on warming up to people more.

5. If you could fly for a day, where would you go?
Sydney in the Summer. Because I was there once and I fell in love with the sun and the sea and life and I would do anything to get that good feeling again.

6. If you could have supernatural abilities what would it/they be?
I am tempted to pass on this because I am not big on the supernatural.
However, the ability to go back in time seems very appealing to me right now.


7. Where would you like to live? Why?
Somewhere where the sun shines almost every day. Like in a tropical island without the tropical creepy crawlies ;)

8. If you could meet anyone, who would it be? {past, present, future}

Past- my dad, just to talk to him and feel like his little girl again.
Present- Fashion Blogger Sharon Mundia because I admire all that she has achieved just by following her passion.
Future- My future teenage daughter, just to see how she would turn out.

9. Why do you blog?
Because Meg=Writing and I feel happy when I write.
Because God gave me a talent and I feel bad wasting it.
Because writing is what makes me awesome.

10.Would you consider yourself happy?

Not yet.
But I am learning acceptance and to love myself a little more so I can confidently say I am in the pursuit of it.

Thanks for reading and to my nominees please tag me, I would love to read them.

A poem and An Anthology

THE POEM

Oh,
How we dance dreamily before the crack of daylight,
Make merry merrily masked by the mysterious shadows,
Concealed by a lack of light.

We see each other,
if at all glittery silhouettes count for perfect vision.

And touch each other,
if only because in the seemingly deceiving darkness,
we are each other's support.

But the fear and apprehension still hangs heavily in our hidden hearts.

Will we still want to dance with each other eternally
when the glittery silhouettes
are replaced with honest blemishes and scars?

AND NOW FOR MY BIG ANNOUNCEMENT

So a bunch of my beautiful readers mentioned that the bad thing about poem posts is that they are a bit too abstract making them a bit hard to understand. So after being struck by a moment of inspiration I decided I am going to compile an ANTHOLOGY.

Now let's be clear, I am by every standard an amateur who does not know a thing about how to do so. But it won't hurt to try right?

The proposed document will be in form of a pdf which I want to link to some site (probably google drive) which anyone and everyone should be able to download. At least that is what I want. I also want it public because I wouldn't mind some constructive criticism and reviews about it as well.
About the anthology itself? Well it is obviously themed around a love story. This is because the idea became a bigger possibility when I realized I happen to have a collection of poems with that theme lying around everywhere which were written at different times and inspired by different events but which when put together can somehow tell a story.

The title?
Still thinking about that but I am open to suggestions, think along the lines of finding a first love during a Kenyan Summer.

So of course I need a ton of help so any reader out there who knows a thing or two that can help, please just drop a comment here or on my social media pages. And if you are good with IT and can help me figure out where I can post the document for easy download, that would be great!

Anyway thanks for dropping by.
Love and love.